
<!-- Original:  George Chuang -->

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<!-- Begin
theDate= new Date();
var day = theDate.getDate();
var year = theDate.getYear();
year = (year < 2000) ? year + 1900 : year;
var textdate = theDate.getDate()  + '/' + (theDate.getMonth()+ 1) + '/' + year;


var numquotes = 31;
quotes = new Array(numquotes+1);
quotes[1] = "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.<br><br>Robin Williams ";
quotes[2] = "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.<br><br>Courtney Cox Monica on Friends";
quotes[3] = "I read somewhere that 77 percent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.<br><br>Jerry Garcia - Grateful Dead";
quotes[4] = "Clinton did lie . A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.<br><br><br>Barbara Bush - Former US First Lady" ;
quotes[5] = "ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.<br><br>Robin Williams" ;
quotes[6] = "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.<br><br>Billy Crystal" ;
quotes[7] = "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.<br><br>Rod Stewart ";
quotes[8] = "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand,  we can open all our own jars. <br><br><br><br>Bruce Willis - On the difference between men and women ";
quotes[9] = "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.<br><br> George Burns ";
quotes[10] = "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhoea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.<br><br>Henry Kissenger -former US Secretary of State ";
quotes[11] = "My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's  reading.<br><br>Steve Jobs - Founder-Apple Computers ";
quotes[12] = "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.<br><br>Dan Rather - News anchorman ";
quotes[13] = "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. <br><br>Tiger Woods ";
quotes[14] = "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured  by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.<br><br>Axl Rose - Guns'n'Roses ";
quotes[15] = "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer.But imprisonment  turns the state into a gay dungeon-master. <br><br> Jesse Jackson ";
quotes[16] = "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.<br><br>Jack Nicholson ";
quotes[17] = "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. <br><br>Roseanne ";
quotes[18] = "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful.<br><br>Robert De Niro";
quotes[19] = "In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra . Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts? <br><br>Hugh Grant ";
quotes[20] = "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? <br><br>Dustin Hoffman ";
quotes[21] = "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.' <br><br>Jerry Seinfield ";
quotes[22] = "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something which you'd like to have dinner with.<br><br>  Anonymous woman ";
quotes[23] = "My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.<br><br>Rodney Dangerfield";
quotes[24] = "I'd like to help the homeless, but they're never home.<br><br>Lenny Clarke";
quotes[25] = "Television? The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it. <br><br> C.P. Scott";
quotes[26] = "Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings. <br><br> Ed Gardner";
quotes[27] = "Things you'll never hear a woman say; 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'<br><br>Jeff Green";
quotes[28] = "I like to tease my plants. I water them with ice cubes.<br><br>Steven Wright";
quotes[29] = "Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good,and you'd step over your own mother just to get one.<br><br>Homer Simpsons";
quotes[30] = "Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. <br><br>Groucho Marx ";
quotes[31] = "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.<br><br>Sharon Stone";

document.write('Quote  ' + textdate + '<br><br>');
document.write('' + quotes[day] + '<br>');
//  End -->

