|
|
|
Are you a real man?
In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) Taking the pigskin bus to Tunatown
You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both
shared:
a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) your blood test results
c) five tequila slammers
You time your orgasm so that:
a) your partner climaxes first
b) you both climax simultaneously
c) you don't miss Football
Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) healthy, creative love-play
b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to
c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) the best part of the experience
b) the second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra
Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You
tell her that it is:
a) no concern of yours
b) not a problem, she can join your gym
c) a conservative estimate
You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) a myth
b) an oxymoron
c) a moron
Foreplay is to sex as:
a) an appetiser is to an entree
b) a primer is to paint
c) a long line is to an amusement park ride
Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the
end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message after the beep."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, You."
A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of
intimacy.
b) is uptight and a waste of time
c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place
Evaluating the results
If you answered "a" more than seven times, look in your pants for a gender
check. If you answered "b" more than seven times, check into therapy; you're
a little confused. If you answered "c" more than seven times, "YOU DA MAN!"
Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the
Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a
token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a
small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable
of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean
energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently
eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.
You decide to:
a. Present it to the president of the United States.
b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations. .
c. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youth do you
miss the most?
a. Innocence.
b. Idealism.
c. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without
regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is
the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for
business reasons, you have to have him killed.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
a. A cat.
b. A dog.
c. A dog that eats cats.
5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. One
leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking
it easy--you're watching a football game; she's reading
the papers--when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky,
tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she
can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where
your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether
you want to get married; only whether you believe that you
have some kind of future together. What do you say?
a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future,
but you don't want to rush it.
b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you
cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to
make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her
by holding out false hope.
c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on
third and seventeen.
6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and
you want to spend the rest of your life with her. How do
you tell her?
a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner. b. You take
her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say
her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze
blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c. Tell her what?
7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and
asks you to get your three children ready for school.
Your first question to her is:
a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b. "They're in school already?"
c. "There are three of them?"
8. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation
for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the
place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised
Land?
a. He was being tested.
b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when
they finally got there.
c. He refused to ask directions.
9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
a. Democracy.
b. Religion.
c. Remote control.
|
Jokes/Test
4 men