Waarom worden alle stoeltjes in de Arena vervangen?
Omdat iemand erachter is gekomen, dat het kuipstoeltjes zijn.

Waarom lacht Marc Overmars altijd op het voetbalveld?
Omdat de grassprieten onder zijn oksels kietelen.

De wedstrijd van het Nederlands voetbalelftal staat op punt van beginnen. Vader heeft zich net uitgebreid voor de buis geïnstalleerd; voeten op de
salontafel, kratje bier en schaaltje pinda's binnen handbereik. Op dat moment zwaait de kamerdeur open en komt zijn zoon naar binnen
gestormd. "V-v-vader!" roept hij stotterend van opwinding. "V-v-a-a... Va-n-n-n... V-an B-b-bba-ba... Uhh, Van B-b-baakel, de buurman, ligt boven met moeder in bed!" "Jongen," zucht vader, "Daar laat je me lelijk schrikken. Ik dacht even dat je wilde zeggen dat van Basten niet zou meespelen!"

Bij Real Madrid houden ze een inzamelingsactie…Voor een goed doel!

Bij de wedstrijd Ajax-Feyenoord zit er in het Ajax-vak een man met een
poedeltje. Het poedeltje is helemaal gekleed in Ajax- tenue: Ajax-petje,
Ajax-sjaaltje, Ajax-shirtje... "Goh", zegt een man naast hun, "Waarom heeft
die poedel al die spullen aan?"
"Oh", zegt de man, "Hij is helemaal gek van Ajax. Als ze een doelpunt
maken, dan blaft 'ie en dan klapt 'ie met z'n pootjes." In de eerste helft
maakt Ajax 1-0. Het hondje blaft en klapt met zijn pootjes: "Woef, klap."
Vlak voor rust komt Ajax op 2-0. Het hondje blaft en klapt met zijn
pootjes: "Woef, woef, klap, klap." "Wat knap is dat", zegt de man naast hun
in de rust, "Maar vertelt u me eens: Wat doet dat hondje nou, als Feyenoord
een doelpunt maakt?"
"Oh, dan doet 'ie heel wat anders", zegt de eigenaar, "Dan maakt 'ie een dubbele salto met een halve schroef!" "Wat?" zegt de man, "Voorwaarts of achterwaarts?" Zegt de eigenaar: "Dat ligt eraan hoe ik hem raak!"

UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI ENTRANCE EXAM- FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
Time Limit: 3 WKS

1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
A. build a bridge
B. sail the ocean
C. lead an army or
D. WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope?
A. Jewish
B. Catholic
C. Hindu
D. Polish
E. Agnostic (check only one)

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
A. Westerners
B. Southerners
C. Northerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
A. Macy's
B. a 7-11
C. Canada
D. the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
A. yes
B. no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
A. New York
B. Florida
C. Canada
C. Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples
do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20. The University of Miami tradition for efficiency began
when? (approximately)
A. B.C.
B. A.D.
D. still waiting

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify.

"Julian Dicks (West Ham United)
is everywhere. It's like they've
got eleven Dicks on the field."
(Metro Radio Sports Commentary)

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team's performance soars. They win the county and state championship until one day they are favored to win nationals easily. Penelope, a sixteen-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says,

"Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest."

"What!" the coach says in a panic, "How far down does it go?"

She replies, "Down to my balls. That's something else I want to talk to you about."

I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me that I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis.

NEBRASKA CORNHUSKER QUIZ

What's the difference between the Nebraska Cornhuskers and
the Taliban?
A. The Taliban has a running game.

Q. What do the Nebraska Cornhuskers and Billy Graham have in common? A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ."

Q. How do you keep a Nebraska Cornhusker player out of your yard? A. Put up goal posts.

Q. Where do you go in Lincoln in case of a tornado?
A. Memorial Stadium - they never get a touchdown there.

Q. Why doesn't Omaha have a Div 1A football team .
A. Because then Lincoln would want one.

Q. Why was Frank Solich upset when the Cornhusker playbook
was stolen?
A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it.

Q. What's the difference between the Nebraska Cornhuskers and
a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the College Championships? A. The Nebraska Cornhuskers.

Q. What do the Nebraska Cornhuskers and possums have in common? A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q. How can you tell when the Nebraska Cornhuskers are going
to run the football?
A. Diedrich leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.

I found that all the important lessons of life are contained
in the three rules for achieving a perfect golf swing.

1. Keep your head down.
2. Follow through.
3. Be born with money.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

Nothing ruins a basketball game more than negative sportsmanship....except maybe lighting a goat on fire and having it run around on the court.

When Blue Collar workers get together, they talk about football...
When Middle Management get together, they talk about tennis...
When Top Management get together, they talk about golf...

Logical Conclusion:

The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls are.