"There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man."
-Groucho Marx

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down
I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
-Groucho Marx

"The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made."
- Groucho Marx

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
-Groucho Marx

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
-Groucho Marx

"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
-Groucho Marx

"Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did."
-Groucho Marx

"As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife."
-Groucho Marx

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like apple- sauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
-Groucho Marx

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
-Groucho Marx

"Well, I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech."
- Groucho Marx