“What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.”
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)

"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them."
-Mark Twain

"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime -- if not asked to lend money."
-Mark Twain

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."
-Mark Twain

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years."
-Mark Twain

"There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me -- I always feel that they have not said enough."
- Mark Twain, U.S. novelist and humorist

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-Mark Twain

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)

"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it."
-Mark Twain
 

"Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good thing!"
-Mark Twain

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."
-Mark Twain

"It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling."
-Mark Twain