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Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But
the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?".
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the
Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury".
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage
urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them
with your Storm".
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned
not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast".
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about
it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the
crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage
declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills".
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph
was heard throughout the land". And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car
pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord".
Rejected McDonalds Monopoly Contest Slogans
More than a billion screwed.
Contest error: collect 100 small apple pies.
Would you care for a rigged game piece with your order?
Supersize your disappointment!
Did somebody say scam artist today?
Become an instant millionaire: sue us for fraud!
Have you had your McScandal today?
We have a Monopoly on all Grand Prizes!
Acupunctuur: prikactie.
Ja: het laatste woord van het vrije leven.
Kuieren: het verticale luieren.
Maagd: non mans land.
Parkeerplaats: plaats waar al een auto staat.
Overspel: spel tijdens de overuren.
Sandaal: schoen in badpak.
Toerist: iemand die elders niet vindt wat hij thuis heeft.
Vrouwen: rusteloze insecten die zich elk jaar opnieuw tot onherkenbare vlinders
verpoppen.
Wijnboer: druivenmelker.
Waal: Belg waar ze in Frankrijk Belgenmoppen over tappen.
Bloedtransfusie: de saaiste manier om aids te krijgen.
Castreren: tennisterm, wanneer men ook zijn tweede bal buiten slaat.
Exhibitionisme: het op eigen initiatief tentoonstellen van stukken uit zijn
privé-collectie.
Melkweg: koeienziekte.
A first-grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each
child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come
up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.
Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader
It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings
You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?
Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty
If you lie down with dogs, you'll . . . stink in the morning
Happy the bride who . . . gets all the presents
Don't put off till tomorrow what . . . you put on to go to bed
Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded
You get out of something what you . . . see pictured on the box
Better late than . . . pregnant
"Little Golden Books That Never Made It"
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
8. Some Kittens Can Fly
9. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
10. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
11. Strangers Have the Best Candy
12. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
13. You Were an Accident
14. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
15. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
16. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
17. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
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