Professional Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon
tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest
when placed on blocks in your front yard? A.66 Ford
Fairlane: B. 69 Chevrolet Chevelle: C.64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity
of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators
are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700
rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be
harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in
size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge
of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in
the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch
centers with a Field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet
and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1
inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many
hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house south of Beckley and 3.7 acres of
land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man
has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile
home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton coal truck is overloaded and proceeding 900
yards down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph.
The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of
secondary roads, what are the chances that it will
strike a vehicle that has a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2
Hazardous Area. The Mine employs 120 miners per shift. A
gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How
many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during
the shift?

10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town that has been
bypassed by the interstate to breed a country western
singer?

Tell me this....


Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?


If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?


Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?


Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass?


Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?


If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?


Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?


What do people in China call their good plates?


Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?


If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?

The following are a few letters sent to Abigail Van Burin
(Dear Abby) that she herself admitted she was at a loss to
answer:


Dear Abby, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language
and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would
a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against
his own?

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it.
Now, how do I get out?

Dear Abby, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychia- trist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He
must be crazy.

***

Q: What do you put in a toaster?
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A: The answer is bread. If you said "toast," then give up
now and go do something else before you hurt yourself. If
you said "bread", go to the next question.

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Q: Say "silk" five times. Now, spell "silk." What do cows
drink?
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A: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not
attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over- stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need
to content yourself with reading something more appropriate
such as "Children's World." If you said "water", then
proceed to the next question.

***

Q: If a red house is made with red bricks, a blue house is
made with blue bricks, a pink house is made with pink bricks,
a black house is made with black bricks, what is a greenhouse
made with?
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A: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green
bricks," what the heck are you still doing here reading
these questions? If you said "glass", then go on to the next
question.

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Q: Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was
politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.
Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The
pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also
failing, decides on a crash landing. Unfortunately, the
engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack
in the middle of "no-man's-land" between East Germany and
West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East
Germany or West Germany or in "no-man's-land?"
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A: You don't, of course, bury the survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated... If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.

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Q: If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute, then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one
hour?
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A: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything else
other than "one degree", you are to be congratulated on
getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league.
Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed
to the final question.

***

Q: Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from
London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get
on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine
people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get
on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In
Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then
arrive at Milford Haven. Now, what was the name of the bus
driver?
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A: Oh, for Heaven's sake... It was you!